Monthly Archives: March 2014

To rape victims and survivors: I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Please accept my apology.

First of all, I want to say thank you for visiting my blog.

I do not have time to maintenance this blog regularly anymore, but I saw many comments were in the cue because of the TV program that aired on my stalking.

Comments are moderated, and I have let them all be posted, no matter what their content. I have also received many personal emails and Facebook messages, some supportive and some not. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I am sorry that I cannot write back to everyone because of constraints on my time and what I now recognize, thanks to the show, as my inadequate ability to emotionally deal with the stalking, even now.  I have never really had good help about it emotionally.

Despite my limitations, I would like to take time to deeply apologize to rape victims and survivors.

In the program, I was shown in the end saying something to the effect of wishing that I had been raped. Over two days and many hours of shooting, I had explained that there were no laws against stalking in Minnesota in 1990-1991. Therefore, stalking was not recognized as a crime or even something that was wrong, partly because there was no injury to my body. Moreover, I was labeled as paranoid schizophrenic by one psychiatrist, who obviously didn’t believe someone was actually stalking me. It was not an attack of paranoia or delusion. It was real. He would repeatedly come up for parole. At one time, he did get out and immediately went out and bought a shotgun. But no one recognized the reality of the situation, and no one knew how to handle it.

On the other hand, rape was recognized as real, morally wrong, a crime, and a psychologically traumatic event. My perception, perhaps wrong, was that if I had been raped, at least there would be some people who would know how to help me, at least a little. (That said, I know that rape victims are often still not treated appropriately, even now, and where you live affects how well or badly you are treated by authorities.)

What I meant to say, and what I should have said, was that I wanted my trauma to be recognized and treated appropriately.

I did not mean to diminish the pain and trauma of rape victims and survivors at all, although I can understand why one would interpret my remark as that.

I deeply apologize for this clumsy and wrong remark and regret saying it, and even more so, thinking it at all. I would like to be in solidarity with you. I do not want to be your enemy.

I am deeply sorry and regretful to the 1 in 4 American women who are raped. Please accept my deep and sincere apology. I was very, very wrong and used poor judgment (to put it politely) in trying to frame my own experience and express my feelings.  To put it impolitely, that was a really fucked up thing to say. I am very ashamed about it and deserve your reprimands.

I eagerly welcome the comments, stories, and lessons I can learn from rape victims and survivors and will post all of them. I do read my emails, so although I cannot answer all of them, you are also welcome to email me personally at jjtrenka@gmail.com.

I will count myself blessed if you would find it fit to forgive me. Thank you for being patient with me.

In peace,

Jane

(If you would like to read the legal case regarding the civil commitment of my stalker, you can click here. I am referred to as “J.V.”)