As I’m writing this, in the wrong language, I’m thinking of the mother of someone I love. But this could be to many, many other mothers.
To the mother of someone I love:
The one I love has expended so much time, effort, tears and money into finding you. Yet you cannot be found. Have you seen him already looking for you, in the newspapers and on TV? Is it that you really cannot be found, or is it that you don’t want to be found?
I am so sorry that you are missing out on having this wonderful son, a son who wants you in his life. Because he is really wonderful. You would be proud to just spend some time with him and think, “This is my son.”
I wonder what your reason is for hiding. You probably have many reasons. But you are the mother. He is the son. So please try to be brave for the sake of your son.
You don’t have to be ashamed. Many people lost their children to adoption. It is not all your fault. Even if Korean society doesn’t understand that yet, the adoptees understand that. He doesn’t come to blame you. He comes simply because he wants his mother. That person is you. Of all the people in the world, only you can fill that hole in his heart.
Even if you have to meet him in secret, even if all you can tell him is why you could not raise him yourself, that would be better than not knowing anything. That would be better than searching and searching and finding nothing.
Please think of your son, and think about how much he has suffered from not knowing you. I am sure you have suffered very much as well. You may not want to remember the sad past. But please, for his sake, try to see past your own pain and suffering and bad memories. He was a completely faultless baby. And you — who carried him in your womb for 10 months and who made a beautiful and perfect baby — are still his mother. Please, look into your mother’s heart and embrace your son just once more. He is waiting every day for you to come and find him.
To the mother of someone I love, I am putting this out there to make my intention in the universe real. I am doing that because I believe that if I wish hard enough, and if my wish is clear enough, the universe, and you, will be generous. And I am doing this because I also hurt for the person I love, and for you.