I wish I could just have hobbies like everyone else.

Instead I am obsessing about adoption again. Some short messages to people I don’t know personally: 

To adoptees who are happy to be adopted: The love shared in your adoptive family is real and important. Indeed you have had many opportunities given to you through your adoption.  However, the more we know about the past, the more we know that the system that brought you to your loving adoptive family is and has been corrupt. Yes, even in Korea. You will never know the real story of your relinquishment until you find out from your birth family. The ends do not justify the means.

To adoptive parents on message boards: What’s up with giant pictures of your adopted kids? Any other message board in the world, people use small photos of themselves or cartoon characters, etc. to identify themselves. Posting giant pictures of your kids as your own identity is creepy and weird.

To gay adopters: To rip off the idea of a friend of mine who probably doesn’t want to be named, the problem is not that you’re different. The problem is that you’re the same. If you have some idea about oppressive systems already, what are you doing feeding the international adoption system?

To adoptive parents who think I’ll stop criticizing everything after I become a parent:  Parenthood is optional. The beauty of feminism is that it gives us choices, e.g., women do not have to be mothers. (Now we have to work on the problem of women who do want to be mothers, but have their children taken away from them instead.)

And in general, it seems that international adoption is sort of like communism, in that it seems like a great idea in theory, but in practice it is not working out so well.


2 responses to “I wish I could just have hobbies like everyone else.

  1. I am not an adoptee but parenthood has actually made me feel more, not less critical of my parents up to and including their treatment of my adopted brother. I mean yeah, I get that they had needs too (like the need to spend a lot of time drinking, the need to get divorced etc) and that they didn’t always have to meet my needs as long as we were basically OK (sometimes we were, sometimes not), but I also get that ignoring us as much as possible was not good parenting and was even worse regarding an adopted child’s needs.

    And I love the anon quote about GAP’s (gay adoptive parents). I recently posted on my blog about our experience of discrimination, so it should be obvious that I know what it’s like. But it is so totally mainstream to treat adoption like it is a consumer rights issue. We may have the right to buy any-thing we want (or can), the operative noun being “thing.” No one has the right to buy kids.

    Your last sentence: BINGO!

  2. Woon Seok aka Hilbrand Westra

    Hi Jane,

    He get a Job 😉 – I reconize many simelarities with your point of view here…and have to laugh after a day of hardship regarding ICA issues around the world.

    Why can’t I get a ‘normal’ live he..?! Anyway, I guess our movements do contribute to create more awarness…end besides this, its a path of patience to see the results of (y)our work back in the reality of live.

    Keep up the good work. Warm regards,

    Hilbrand aka Woon Seok

Thank you for visiting my blog. I no longer have time to update this blog regularly, but I appreciate your comments, even though I cannot respond to all of them. All comments (except spam) have been allowed to go through unmoderated since June 16, 2014. Any comments you see prior to that date have been read and approved by me. Thanks again, and wishing you peace and blessings.

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